


Out of the night

by up_the_tower_1001



Series: The Nature of Things [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Succubi & Incubi, Angst, Dubious Consent, Elves, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Seduction, Sexual Content, Succubi & Incubi, Voyeurism, incubus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 21:31:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12284769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/up_the_tower_1001/pseuds/up_the_tower_1001
Summary: Steve ground his teeth in frustration. He was sweating through his clothes and nats kept flying into his eyes. Sweat was dripping into his eyelashes and he tried to blink the drops away. He was dying for a sip of water, and his wrists were rubbed raw by the rope. They might have been bleeding, but it was impossible to tell the difference between blood and sweat just by the feel. It didn’t help that Bucky was pressed up against his back for the second time in a row in 2 weeks.Pt. 2 to The Nature of Things. Probably should read Pt. 1 first.





	Out of the night

   Steve ground his teeth in frustration. He was sweating through his clothes and nats kept flying into his eyes. Sweat was dripping into his eyelashes and he tried to blink the drops away. He was dying for a sip of water, and his wrists were rubbed raw by the rope. They might have been bleeding, but it was impossible to tell the difference between blood and sweat just by the feel. It didn’t help that Bucky was pressed up against his back for the second time in a row in 2 weeks.

 

   The horse stepped down over a rock and the movement made Bucky rub up against Steve. Bucky’s breath hitched in his ear but other than that he was silent. He’d finally stopped apologizing every time he pushed against Steve after the seventh time when a fae told him to shut up before he cut out his tongue.

 

   In part, Steve was glad. He was tired of Bucky’s apologies. It wasn’t his fault anyway. Not really. It was the bandits’ fault. They were dumb and ugly and vicious, but they were strong and had easily overpowered the two of them.

 

   Why a group of bandits were in Elf territory was beyond him. There was little gold or travelers. Non-elves tended to stay as far away as they could from Elven territory in the woods. It was well known that elves were ferociously territorial, and they didn’t take kindly to strangers.

 

   Steve was just trying to visit home. Truth be told, the incident with Bucky really shook him up. He wasn’t one to sleep around, and he’d never done anything as insane as what he did that day in that closet. And then, Bucky just left as if it were nothing. He didn’t even say goodbye, and Steve felt like an idiot. What exactly was he expecting? Something more? No, not really. But maybe a goodbye would have been nice. Or an I’m-sorry-I-seduced-you could have worked. Instead, Bucky dissolved into the darkness as soon as Steve turned his head.

 

   So yeah, Steve was visiting home. He hadn’t been back in almost 8 years. He didn’t have much left for him there, though. His mother had died and he’d left soon after. There were old friends and acquaintances, but no one he’d particularly missed enough to go all the way back for.

 

   But it would be nice to spend a few weeks in a familiar place. So he’d left the capital that night and started toward the south where the trees grew slimmer and taller and the elves roamed the woods.

 

   Nothing was that simple of course. He didn’t know what he was expecting. Instead, he’d gotten ambushed. Normally he was so careful. He preferred to travel alone which came with a certain amount of risk in itself, but he was a wary traveler. He took the paths he knew and moved quickly, sleeping in trees and bushed and covering his trails. He was an excellent horseback rider and the particular steed he was riding was bred for speed and endurance. Maybe he was pushing himself too hard though.

 

   Whatever the reason, the ragtag group of fae and orcs easily snuck up and captured him. He hardly put up a fight. It was in the middle of the night and they were on him before he knew what was happening.

 

   They looted his goods and found nothing valuable. He wasn’t sure why they didn’t kill him immediately, but he didn’t care to ask. Instead, they tired him up and stuck him on a horse. They killed and ate his own horse. He fought tooth and nail but couldn’t stop them. They laughed while he turned away from the scene and tried not to listen while they slaughtered his newfound friend.

 

   He couldn’t be sure which direction they were taking him. He was blindfolded part of the way, but he quickly sweated through the thin cloth and it slipped down his face revealing the trees and the daylight. No one noticed, or if they did, they didn’t care enough to fix it. They could be anywhere. Steve didn’t try to guess.

 

   Then Bucky showed up out of nowhere. He came swinging out of the trees like a monkey on mushrooms. Steve had no idea what he was thinking, and he doubted Bucky did either. The incubus was caught almost immediately, but not after taking down two of the fae and one meaty orc. Then he was clubbed on the back of the head and tried up as well and thrown on Steve’s horse. Steve tried several times to wake him up before they gagged him.

 

   His jaw worked at the thick cloth. His mouth felt like cotton and his head was beginning to pound. The proximity of Bucky wasn’t making things any easier, and he still couldn’t figure out why the hell Bucky was here. Obviously, he had been following Steve. But why? And if he got gagged, why didn’t Bucky? It was unfair and made it infinitely more frustrating.

 

   A younger fae started humming a tuned as he rode next to them. He was guiding their horse to prevent them from somehow taking control of it. He was lighter skinned, even for a fae whose tone ranged from silverish all the way down to a dark blue-black. His hair was flaming red. It was so obvious that he was a fae that it would have been impossible to disguise himself as anything else. His nose came to a sharp point and his eyes were large and deep green.

 

Despite his strange appearance, his voice, like most faes, was honey slowly dripping down onto a warm piece of bread. He sang softly so that it was unlikely that anyone besides himself and Bucky could hear. There were no words to his song, only a strange melody that reminded Steve of the wind as it pushed through the humid air.

 

He could feel himself nodding off and in a desperate attempt to keep his wits about him, he twisted his wrists against the grain of the rope, and this time he was sure he was drawing out blood. He grunted with the effort, and the boy stopped singing for a moment to look over them.

 

“Stop. What the hell are you doing?”

 

Steve gave a snarl in response. The boy looked at his hands and gave a face, but in the end decided that there was no way for Steve to wiggle out of them. He went back to humming.

 

The tune sounded vaguely familiar. He was sure he’d heard it before...Somewhere….

 

It was something. He just had to…

 

Just had to think.

 

Think…

 

He twisted his hands again and squeezed his eyes at the pain. It was bright and woke him up nicely. His gasp was inaudible. Stay awake. It was too dangerous to fall asleep on the horse, and if he fell, he’d likely take Bucky with him.

 

But the damned fool wouldn’t stop humming. Again, Steve had to scrape his wrist against the rope.

 

This time, he received fresh blood and a kick in the calf by Bucky. He froze. “What the hell are you doing?” the voice growled behind him. It came behind his left ear, opposite of the boy.

 

Steve made no move to respond. Anything he tried to communicate would be picked up by instantly. He stayed still.

 

The interaction woke him up more than the pain though, and he stayed alert for half of an hour longer before sleep deprivation began to catch up to him again. He’d been riding with them for at least 2 days before Bucky showed up, and they’d fed him very little. The stress of the situation had prevented him from sleeping when he could afford to.

 

Steve felt his head droop before he quickly snapped it up. The kid noticed and Steve felt his eyes on him.

 

“What’s wrong elf? Getting sleepy? Why don’t you close your eyes for a second? I’m sure a tumble off a horse won't hurt so bad.”

 

Steve didn’t look at him. There was no point. Except, this time, the fae sang a little louder, and the melody was a little slower, and fuck him because that was practically cheating. He tried to grind his wrists again, but slowly as to not draw attention.

 

He got kicked in the calf for that. He growled back at Bucky. The kid snickered, mistakenly believing that the noise of protest was meant for him.

 

On the next rock the horse had to climb over, the path was narrow and the fae had to go ahead of them. The horse stepped up causing Steve to lean back. Bucky hooked his chin over his shoulder for a heartbeat. “Lean on me.”

 

That’s all he had time to say. Then, they were flanked again by the humming fairy. Steve bit on the gag. If only he’d been able to talk he’d tell Bucky to shove his offer up his own ass. Except...he was exhausted, and Bucky was offering. Why was he offering? Whatever the answer, did Steve have much of a choice anyway?

 

He continued to fight off sleep for another minute just for the principle of the thing. He could sense Bucky shifting restlessly behind him, probably annoyed that Steve didn’t just give in. The idea gave Steve just a widget of satisfaction before finally, he couldn’t stay upright any longer. He slowly leaned back and was surprised to find Bucky much closer than where was before. Steve was still sitting upright, but some of his weight now rested on Bucky. Bucky was leaning forward as Steve leaned back. He hesitated at the feel of them flush against each other and the thought made his ears warm.

 

Bucky’s chin came to rest on his shoulder. He tensed slightly. It felt strangely intimate.

 

“Hey. Sit up you two.”

 

Steve’s eyes were already closed. He could hear Bucky breathing in slow, gentle strokes. His shoulders relaxed and his body slumped into the other man’s. It was less like falling asleep and more like losing consciousness.

 

He woke up to the horse coming to a sudden halt. He was jerked forward off of the warmth of Bucky’s body. It was cold now, and night was falling quickly. Men were slowly getting off their horses and stretching out their stiff muscles.

 

Instead of untying Steve and Bucky, they chose to instead drag them off the horse with two men. It was a difficult process, and after a long day of riding, neither of them seemed overly concerned with the safety of the prisoners.

 

Steve still couldn’t figure out why they were still alive.

 

When his feet hit the ground his legs crumpled out from underneath him. The men laughed, but he was quick to scramble up. Bucky was leaning heavily on the horse, and his face was pale.

 

“Well, boys, I have to say I’m impressed. I’ve never seen two men sleep on a horse like that. Better get your sleep in now, I guess. Where you’re going, people don’t sleep much.” The orc laughed and a couple others chuckled, but not many others were in the mood for jokes. In record time, tents were pitched and a freshly killed goose was on the fire.

 

Steve and Bucky were left alone in their tents with some bread and water. Steve jumped on the water as soon as his hands were untied. The first sips were painful and he coughed as if struggled down. The liquid hit his empty stomach and it made him want to throw up, but he kept drinking until half of it was gone. He struggled to stop, but he knew Bucky needed some too and he doubted they’d get another jug.

 

Then he tore into his bread. Simply the act of chewing made his jaw sore, but the bread tasted like heaven. He ate it in under a minute.

 

After his basic needs were satisfied did he begin to notice Bucky again. The man was carefully chewing on his bread while he stared out a small crack in the flaps of the tent. He was studying them. It made Steve painfully aware of their different lives. Steve avoided these types of situations at all costs. Bucky got himself into them on purpose.

 

It had to be on purpose. He was smart. In fact, he’d probably been there when Steve got captured and waited to see what he’d do, following them closely for a day or so before coming up with a plan. Those grey eyes were of someone who had a plan. Steve had no doubt.

 

“Thanks.” His voice sounded horrible. He coughed for a moment and spat out a wad of phlegm.

 

Bucky looked over at him in surprise. “For…”

 

God, he was going to make Steve say it. “For, um, when I was…”

 

“Oh! Yeah, yeah…”

 

It was quiet for a second. Now Bucky’s attention was trained on Steve, and without his head being assaulted with incubus sex pollen, Steve found that he was struggling not to squirm. He hadn’t seen the man for years. All his adult life, in fact. Then they had crazy closet sex and now what? The fact that Bucky seemed equally uncomfortable made it a little better.

 

“I’m sorry I-”

 

“Why are you-”

 

Bucky sighed. “Why am I here?”

 

He was saying he was sorry. For being caught? Or… “Yeah.”

 

“I was following you.”

 

Steve snorted. “Oh. Really? Huh. Who’da thunk?”

 

Bucky smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry about that. I just...I don’t really know. I’m so dumb, though. I saw them coming in our direction, but I thought that you were just one person and you were really careful about covering your tracks, so I figured there would be no way that they’d notice you. I was asleep when you got caught.” He shook his head and looked back outside the tent. “I followed you and tried to think of a way to get you out. Unfortunately, I obviously underestimated them. Someone must have figured out that they were being followed because one of the faes set off some sort of exposure spell. I couldn’t control myself, and I went charging in with no plan or weapons or anything. It was a military grade spell. They have at least one fae here who is capable of doing some serious damage.”

 

Steve's heart dropped. So it wasn’t part of some master plan. Bucky really did just bust into their camp with fists swinging. They were actually caught, and there was little chance of escaping. Steve was still worn to the bone, and they had no weapons or back up.

 

“I’ve been trying to figure out which one it was. I ruled out several of them, but whoever it was, they are adept at hiding in plain sight. They all act like bumpkins.”

 

“What about the one from earlier? The redhead. I wouldn’t mind taking a swing at him.”

 

Bucky looked back outside and his eyes flickered, probably searching the man out. “Unlikely, but not ruled out. He’s very young and that type of spell requires a lot of training.”

 

“He could be a natural.”

 

“Hm. Possible. I’ll keep an eye out.”

 

“Damn punk thinking he was clever,” Steve muttered. He flopped down onto the ground and breathed in the smell of roasting meat. His back ached from the ride and his thighs were sore from gripping the saddle. It was so much harder to balance on the horse without his hands available to even him out.

 

“It put you to sleep like a baby.” Steve looked up to see Bucky’s smiling eyes. He glared.

 

“Yeah, well, if I recall, you fell asleep just as quickly.”

 

“Please. That’s just what I wanted them to think.”

 

Steve laughed. “Oh. Of course.”

 

Bucky turned away from the opening of the tent. He sat with his knees pulled close and his chin resting on top. His eyes shone brightly in the dim light and he looked like a child for a moment. Then he grinned and Steve remembered Bucky’s hands and his mouth and he knew that Bucky was all man.

 

Steve hadn’t been around very many incubi before. They were a rare species in the first place, and they tended to be travelers, moving frequently without attachments. Not many people trusted them, especially not humans. They were impossible to tell apart for a normal person simply from their appearance. But by being around them, you could feel their pull. It was a constant tug towards them from your ribcage. They were distracting creatures. You could be talking to one and suddenly forget what you were saying just because they changed positions and suddenly they were in better lighting and you could really see the cut of their jaws or the flick of their nose and the color of their lips.

 

Even now, Bucky was just sitting there and Steve didn’t know where else to look. When he was friends with Bucky as teenagers, it was hell. Bucky didn’t know how to control himself and Steve was the one who suffered. He was never able to touch. That much was obvious by a number of girls Bucky had hanging off his arms. Even when he began to explore, he never asked Steve.

 

Steve knew it was out of respect. Bucky told him that he would never feed off Steve because he was his best friend. Steve never admitted how much he wanted Bucky to anyway.

 

“Where were you going in the first place?”

 

“Home.”

 

“But why?”

 

“Can’t a guy just visit home?”

 

“I guess.” Bucky was smarter than to bring up Steve’s dead mother and lack of actual friends in his homeland.

 

Steve closed his eyes and rested his head back on the ground, using a thick root as a pillow. “You really messed me up for a second, Bucky.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I didn’t know what I was doing. You were like a ghost. And then you just left and I didn’t really have a plan. But you made me feel...homesick? I don’t know. Elven territory wasn’t what I was really missing. But...where else was I gonna go?”

 

“I’m sorry about...that.”

 

“No, I understand. It was weird.”

 

Pause. “But, not that weird. Right?”

 

Steve opened his eyes again but didn’t look at Bucky. He carefully fixed his eyes on a stain on the top of the tent. His body went ridged. What exactly was Bucky asking? It wasn’t that weird? What the hell does that mean? Did Bucky...why exactly was Bucky following him?

 

The implications made Steve's heart race. There was no way that it was how it sounded. “Well, I don’t do that sort of thing every day…”

 

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that. But just because it was us that I felt-” Bucky cut himself off so sharply that Steve heard his teeth clack together. This time, Steve did look. Bucky was looking at him but instantly looked away, avoiding eye contact. Steve was shocked to see a red blush sweeping over Bucky’s cheeks and heating his ears.

 

Oh.

 

Steve chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to decide what to say. He wasn’t exactly sure how he felt right now. Bucky was telling him...what? That he was here because he wanted to see Steve again? Because...he felt something towards him? Steve would be lying to himself if he said he hadn't felt a connection with Bucky, but he was also high as a bird. Who was to say that Bucky wasn’t just confusing himself. Afterall, he was half-starved and crazy for any sort of contact.

 

But here he was anyway, awkwardly rubbing the palm on his hand with his thumb.

 

Steve had been quiet for too long.

 

“No, you’re right. I’m glad it was you.” He felt like an idiot saying that, but the way Bucky looked up at him for a second like he wasn’t expecting that at all and then quickly looking away with his lips pressed tightly together but still curving up, it was worth it. They were being held prisoners in a filthy tent, half-starved and probably being taken to be sold as slaves, yet Steve felt dizzy with possibilities.

 

“I’m still sorry, though. I’m not normally…” This time he looked at Steve with intent. “I normally have tremendous self-control. Even now, I don’t really know what happened. I felt like...I don’t know. You were there and then-” He laughed at himself quietly. “Is it horrible if I say that there is just something about you that makes my head go a little fuzzy?”

 

Steve laughed sharply, partly out of surprise and partly because his body was wound up so tight that he felt like if he didn’t let some of the tension out, he might never be able to move again. “Not so horrible,” he whispered.

 

Bucky’s smile was fucking blinding, and he opened his mouth to say something when a man burst through the flap’s of the tent. Bucky made a sound of surprise and was instantly on the other side with Steve, crouched in a fighting position. The redheaded fae looked terrible in the dark. His grin was full of large teeth.

 

“Well, what’s going on here?”

 

Neither Bucky nor Steve said anything. There was something different about him. Some sort of aura that made Steve’s bones feel cold.  His skin prickled with unease. He was sure Bucky felt the same. It was a power.

 

This was the fae. He was sure of it. He must be a nightcrawler: A fae with extra capabilities when the moon was out.  

 

Those green eyes trained on Bucky. “It took me a while, I’m embarrassed to say, but I finally figured it out. You’re an incubus. You know, my cousin taught me some interesting things about them. He is a scientist. Did some pretty interesting experiments on your folk. I’m interested to know why you’ve been following us, though.”

 

Steve didn’t look at Bucky. He didn’t have to look to know that he was practically biting his tongue off to stay calm. The fae smirked. “You following him them?” He jutted his chin in Steve’s direction. Steve’s eyes flickered momentarily to Bucky’s face. His mouth was relaxed and his eyes watched as if he were bored. The sight scared Steve more than if he were snarling curses and spitting in rage. Bucky’s expression was wiped clean of any revealing cues. He shivered in his skin. The assassin was coming out.

 

“At least answer me this: Enemies, friends, or lovers? Things could be so interesting depending on your answer.”

 

This was the boy whose sweet humming put him to sleep. He was a dark one alright. Steve set his jaw against his rising fear. This man was fucking sick. He was a bully and much worse, and if there was one thing Steve couldn’t stand, it was a bully. “Why don’t you go fuck yourself.” Despite sounding like broken glass, his voice came out strong.

 

“Oh delightful. And here I thought you were going to be the easy one. I’m going to go ahead and let you in on a little secret. You two are headed for a facility that works with humanoids, like, for example, elves. We rarely are able to come across and incubus dumb enough to get caught, so this is a treat.” Steve's stomach clenched. No. No, no. That’s not...possible. What the fuck was this monster talking about? “However, even though I’ve been tasked as the recruiter and my brother as the researcher, I have a curious mind myself. Tell me, did you know that it might be possible to switch the nature of in incubus to a succubus?”

 

Steve closed his eyes. He was going to throw up. He’d die before he let them test on him or Bucky. Not Bucky. They wouldn’t even touch Bucky. Next to him, Bucky snarled. “You think you scare me? Do your worst you dumb prick.”

 

“Perfect! Why don’t you step out of the tent? It shouldn’t take long.”

 

“Fuck you! He’s not going anywhere.” The fae signed as if this were simply an inconvenience.

 

“I beg of you to cooperate, dear. Things will go so much better for the both of you.”

 

“Steve, wait. You-”

 

“Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Him.”

 

“Hm. Lovers then. I was hoping you were enemies. Now that would have been fun.”

 

Things went quickly after that. It took half a dozen men to get Steve and Bucky out of the tent and restrained. Steve was beaten into submission by a couple orc while Bucky was stripped of his shirt and pinned to the ground. Steve shouted curses the entire time. Bucky stayed silent.

 

One particularly strong punch had Steve on the ground, head spinning and body numb. He thought he heard Bucky shout. He wasn’t sure. It might have been himself. Consciousness is a slippery thing to hold onto, and Steve was no better at it than any other person.

 

When he came to, Bucky was groaning in pain as the fae carved something into his shoulder. Other fae and orcs alike watched in interest. Bucky’s eyes were squeezed shut.

 

“Bucky!” Steve called out. He was on his knees trying to reach him. He saw grey eyes for just one second before the world slammed back into nothing.

 

He was out for a lot longer this time. When he woke up, he was upright and the world spun before his eyes. There was a lot of noise but he couldn’t figure out what was going on. Someone was dragging him. He was wrapped around their shoulders. He tried to talk, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, as if he’d been drugged.

 

There was fire and shouting and a lot more people than usual. What was usual? He was a prisoner. Was he escaping? Something whizzed past his head and sunk into the tree they were passing. Did his legs work? Yes. He needed to move. Now.

 

And now he was running somewhat. Still leaning on Bucky, but not being carried. His head throbbed. People were killing each other and Steve and Bucky were just trying to run away. He heard someone scream next to him. He didn’t look. They needed to move if they wanted to live. Bucky wasn’t giving him much choice anyway.

 

The edged of his vision started creeping inward. No no no no no. Just a little longer. Got to keep going. Just a little longer. The screams were fading. It was morning and the sun was just beginning to lighten the sky to the east of them. The stars were still out to the west.

 

They were escaping. “Bucky.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I need-” He lunged away from Bucky to lean on a tree and was sick for a blinding minute. Then Bucky was apologizing and he was being dragged off again. Steve’s feet were struggling not to trip over themselves. He doubted he was helping Bucky very much.

 

It seemed to go on for forever. The noises were far behind them before they slowed down. Maybe Steve just couldn’t hear them over the panting of his breath and the ringing in his own ears.

 

“-eve? Come on buddy, stay with me here.”

 

“Buck.”

 

“Hey, Steve. You can hear me?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay. Why don’t we sit, okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

He closed his eyes again.

 

The sun was in the sky by the time he woke back up. For a long moment he didn’t know where he was. Then he looked over to see Bucky with his head in his hands and he remembered. His head felt much clearer. There had been an ambush. Someone had been following them. They’d been rescued.

 

“Bucky?”

 

Bucky’s left arm was bleeding. The symbol was clear against his skin.

“Yeah?” He didn’t lift his head. Was he...crying? What the hell had they done to him? Had it been too late?

 

“What’s going on?”

 

The man sniffled and wiped his face with his arm before looking at Steve. And fuck, Steve could visibly see the man’s pupils dilate. He looked wasted like he was on some sort of drug. But then, Steve doubted he looked in any better condition. “The camp was attacked by a group of elves. I didn't know if they were friendly or not. They were dressed like animals or something. I didn’t want to risk it though. They didn’t exactly seek us out. It was more about slaughtering the faes and the orcs.”

 

Steve nodded slowly. So they’d been rescued, but maybe unintentionally. He’d never heard of this group that Bucky was describing. Better safe than sorry.

 

Except now they were alone in the woods with no food, water, shelter or horses, and they had no idea where they were. And Bucky...really wasn’t looking good.

 

“What did they-” He swallowed. “What did they do to you?”

 

Bucky shook his head in disgust and looked down to where some symbol was crudely carved out into his shoulder. “Just like he said...there were rumors of being able to switch an incubi nature to a succubus, and vise versa.”

 

“Shit.” Pause. "Is it...um, is it working?" He cringed at himself for a moment, but Bucky didn't look like he minded the question.

 

“I don’t think so. It’s not like how he wanted. You can’t just flip a switch and expect...but I feel different.”

 

Different. Steve nodded and looked out into the trees. Different how? Because Bucky kept looking at Steve strangely with those huge pupils. Different like he wanted to jump Steve’s bones?

 

Steve stood up. “I’m gonna climb a tree and see if I can see anything from up there.”

 

“You’re going to climb one of these trees? You’re an elf, not a squirrel.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry, did you have a better plan?”

 

But Bucky was just staring at him now. And not in the face. His grey eyes slowly smoothed over Steve’s body like he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. His eyebrows narrowed with focus. Like he was undressing Steve in his head. Like he was doing other, much worse things.

 

“Buck!” Bucky inhales sharply through his nose and dragged his eyes up to meet Steve’s. He looked confused for a moment, unaware that he’d been caught looking.

 

“What?”

 

“Did you even hear what I said?”

 

This time, Bucky flushed red. “No. Sorry, I must have zoned out for a second.”

 

“I asked you if you had a better plan.”

 

“Than what?”

 

Steve blinked. Had he just forgotten their entire conversation? “Bucky, how are you feeling? Really?”

 

Bucky shook his head in bemusement. “I just feel sort of dazed. Why?”

 

Steve walked back over to him and crouched down. Bucky was leaning on a rock with his legs bent up in front of his. Up close Steve could now tell that he was sweating. His hair was beginning to stick to his neck and his face looked warm. He felt his forehead, gripping Bucky’s chin when he moved in protest. He was on fire. “God, Buck, you’re burning up.”

 

Bucky glared at him like a child and swatted his hand away. “No I’m not. I think I would realize it if I had a fever. I’m just warm because I had to lug your fat ass all the way.”

 

Steve shook his head, flabbergasted. “That was several hours ago. I passed out again, remember?”

 

“Oh, yeah, no I remember.” He dug the heel of his palm into his left eye socket. “Sorry, I just forgot for a second. That was...weird.” He looked back up. “I’m just distracted though.” Steve’s ears grew hot, but Bucky didn’t seem to notice what he was implying. “I don’t feel...bad. Or sick.”

 

“But you had said you felt different. What do you mean by that?”

 

He groaned. “Damn it, Steve, do you need me to spell it out?”

 

No. Fuck. He sat back on his heels. But it wasn’t like last time. Bucky wasn’t putting out anything that affected Steve. Steve’s head was as clear as it could be after getting pounded into the ground. He wasn’t fighting his every fiber not to get into Bucky’s pants. Bucky, on the other hand, looked like head was struggling. His eyes were drifting again, and now that he was really looking, Steve noticed his right hand clutching a stump of grass. And fuck, Bucky was hard in his pants. He hadn’t been able to notice with the way Bucky was sitting. That was probably the whole point.

 

“So, what? You need something?” Bucky looked and watched as Steve’s entire body turned red. He struggled to keep a casual face. Bucky was quiet for a long beat before throwing his head back and laughing. It was so unexpected that Steve’s whole body flinched. He opened his mouth to say ‘fuck you,’ before the entirety of the situation dawned upon him. It was so horribly ridiculous that he started of laugh along with Bucky. “We’re both fucked anyway,” Steve gasped out, and Bucky howled, leaning over to one side to clutch his ribs. Steve flopped on the ground and looked up at the trees. He was laughing so hard he was crying.

 

“You tryin’a seduce me or somethin?”

 

Steve propped himself on his elbows. “So what if I was? I thought it was pretty sexy.”

 

But shook his head so that his hair flew from one side to the other. “No way.” He was practically slurring his words. “Don’t even think about it wise guy. You ain’t getting into my pants again.”

 

“Somehow I don’t think it would be that difficult.”

 

Bucky sighed and sagged back into the rock. He had an obvious erection. “Probably not.”

 

Steve put his head back down. Birds twittered above him. He listened to any noise that would indicate they weren’t alone, but the woods was quiet aside from animals and the wind shuffling the leaves.

 

“What would you do, though?” Bucky’s voice was a whisper. Steve blinked for a second.

 

So they were doing this.

 

“I think, maybe I’d-”

 

“Fuck, Steve, don’t answer that. Fuck. I can’t...do that again.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You don’t have to-fuck-listen, I’m fine. Okay? I’ll just...wait it out or something. It ain’t that bad.”

 

“Wait it out?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

How long would that take? They needed to start moving again. They’d been here too long. Bucky was the one with military training, but even Steve knew that. And if Bucky was compromised, then he’d have to call the shots. They’d go east. They were close to the coast, and once they got there they could get to the shore road where they’d be able to find a ride to the city. Even if they’d been going straight North for 2 days, they were still in Elven territory. They could make it.

 

“I just...it’s not just this thing they did to me. You’re so fuckin beautiful Steve. You’re fucking-fuck! God, please just fucking gag me already.”

 

“It’s okay Buck.” Steve got up. He swayed for a moment, clutching his head as his vision went dark around the edges, but it was cleared up within seconds. “Listen, apart from all that, how are you feeling? You can walk?”

 

“Yeah,” Bucky said quietly. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his shirt. Steve frowned. It was a beautiful day. Bucky shouldn’t be sweating. He said he didn’t feel the fever, but he was definitely overheating.

 

“Maybe it would help if we starting trying to move. It’s unlikely that anyone is looking for us, but just in case.”

 

Bucky nodded and heaved himself to his feet. “Yeah, no, you’re right. We should get going. It could help me take my mind-yeah. Yeah, let’s move.”

 

They started making their way through the forest. The way was easy. The ground was flat with only a few roots and rocks to trip them up. If they had horses, they would have been able to travel fast and long.

 

But Steve was still half-starved, going off a few pieces of bread in the past several days, and his body was still aching. He began to discover new bruises and aches as they walked, and within an hour he was panting for air and limping slightly, trying not to let Bucky notice.

 

It wasn’t hard. The man was pretty distracted. Every once and awhile he would start to mutter to himself. Then he’d stop and cast a quick glance over to Steve to see if he’d noticed. Other than that, he’d kept his head down and set a fast pace.

 

Steve tried to remember what had happened. It was all so fast. One second he was talking to Bucky, and the next they were getting manhandled out of the tent. And there were so many of them, but Steve clenched his hands thinking about it. He could've fought harder. Bucky was being sliced up and he was knocked out for all of it. Now that Steve thought about it, he’d been out for that entire night. What had happened? God, he should’ve fought harder.

 

They must have gone for 3 or 4 hours before Steve slipped up. He couldn’t get his foot quite high enough to clear a rock and he tripped. His movements were slow and awkward and he couldn’t quite catch himself in time. He landed hard and the air was knocked out of him instantly.

 

“Fuck fuck fuck. Steve? You okay? Fuck!”

 

Steve tried to respond, but he couldn’t breathe. His lungs were drawn as tight as a bowstring, and Bucky wasn’t really helping. He closed his eyes for a second.

 

_“Just breath, Stevie. Just breath okay?” Bucky was younger and Steve was smaller. They were...somewhere. It could have been Bucky’s room, but it also could have been behind the bar they would always steal beer from. It was hard to tell. Their surroundings kept morphing. Bucky’s face stayed constant. Steve focused on that._

 

_His eyes were still the same grey-blue, but somehow larger. Shiney. He tried to breath. His throat was closed up. “I know it’s hard, but you have to just relax. Just listen to me and relax and focus.” He wanted to scream at Bucky that that’s not how it works! It’s my lungs, not my head you dumb prick! But he couldn’t get the words out anyway._

 

_So Bucky kept talking him through it. And then, once he drew that first shuddering breath,_

Steve’s eyes flew open as his lungs expanded. He was fine. Nothing was broken. The air rushed into him and he coughed it out while Bucky struggled to lift him up and prop him against a tree.

 

“Yeah, there you go Steve.”

 

“I’m fine,” he wheezed as soon as he had enough air. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

 

“Yeah, I know buddy. Me too.”

 

*****

 

“You ever sleep with a woman before?”

 

“What? What the hell Buck.”

 

“I’m just wondering. I don’t remember you hanging around many girls is all.”

 

“No, the girls wouldn’t hang around me.”

 

Bucky snorted. “Yeah, well. I did.”

 

“Yeah. And you also had no trouble with the dames.”

 

“...Or the fellas.”

 

“What’s your point?”

 

Bucky bit his lip. They were sitting across from each other. Steve was massaging his thigh, and Bucky was having a really hard time not watching. Steve wasn’t sure he was even trying, actually. Every couple seconds, Bucky’s eyes would snap away, but then they’d always find their way back to watch like he physically couldn’t help it. Steve didn’t call him out on it. It made him feel something warm in the pit of his stomach. Something he didn’t address either.

 

“You never answered the question.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes. “You sure you feeling up to talking about this? Maybe we should be keeping our topic of discussion out of the sewers?”

 

Bucky grinned something wolfish. “You’re embarrassed. So does that mean you haven’t, or you have?”

 

“I’m not embarrassed. I’m a full grown man.” Bucky raised a brow. Fuck him. Steve dug harder into his upper thigh where the muscles were all knotted up. “Yeah. So what?”

 

Bucky snickered. “You like it?”

 

“God, Buck. Stop.”

 

“Can I do that? You’re doing it all wrong.” Steve’s hand stilled.

 

“What?” The sudden change in topic throwing him off.

 

“Nothing. Never mind.” Bucky looked away.

 

“You-I’m doing it wrong? How is that even possible?”

 

“I can just do it for you and you’d see,” Bucky said, somehow frustrated now. He was still sweating.

 

Steve cursed internally. But his leg really wasn’t getting much better. “I guess so.”

 

Bucky stayed where he was for a long time though. He didn’t look at Steve. He didn’t look at anything. Steve knew he had given him an invitation to...what exactly? To massage his thigh? God. Bucky’s face was unreadable. It was that blank, relaxed look. Somehow that told him just as much. Maybe he shouldn’t have offered…

 

But then Bucky crawled toward him with an easygoing expression. “Let me show you how it’s done.” When Bucky reached him, Steve discreetly took a breath through his nose. Bucky smelled of sweat, but not sickness or arousal. He smelled normal. He didn’t look normal. Steve tried not to look too long into his eyes, pupils still dilated.

 

Bucky’s hands hovered above his leg. “What hurts? And what does it feel like?”

 

“Like...it’s clenching.

 

Bucky took a leveling breath. “Okay.” And god, his hands felt like heaven. They dug in at just the right spot at an angle that Steve couldn’t get to himself. He let out a small groan and his eyes slipped shut. “Steve you’re like a wet dream,” Bucky shuttered. Steve froze. Bucky’s voice was so low it was more like a growl and if that wasn’t the sexiest thing Steve had ever head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m talking out of my ass.” But Bucky’s hands were still moving, pressing his thumbs into his hip flexor and massaging out the tension. But even before Steve could say ‘it’s okay’ Bucky was keening again. “I don’t know how much more I can take of this Steve. You’re a fucking god. A damn-fuck-”

 

Bucky’s hand rose past his hip, pushing his shirt up to reveal his lower abdomen. He didn’t go further than that. Just resting his hand below Steve’s belly button. He could feel Bucky’s fingers pressing in just so slightly.

 

Steve’s blood warmed. He opened his eyes again. “Bucky, it’s okay. What do you need?”

 

Bucky whined. He whined which was ridiculous because he could kill a man with one hand, and the sound went straight to Steve’s dick. Steve suddenly found Bucky’s hand a lot less innocent than moments before. The other hand was still on his hip. “I don’t know. I don’t know. Fuck, it’s messing with my head. I can’t think. I don’t know. It’s never felt like this. Even with you in the castle. It’s not suppose to-”

 

“Easy, Buck. Easy.” Steve reached up to clasp Bucky around the back of his neck. He was still burning up. Bucky looked into his eyes and Steve knew he was near panic. He would have to guide Bucky through this. “Just try to relax. You’re okay. Just...let’s trade spots?”

 

Bucky nodded. He tried to remember if he’d ever seen Bucky like this. He couldn’t. It was worrying, but at the same time, fuck, he was so fucking hot. Steve couldn’t deny his body responding to all the little noises he was making. It was like a switch had been flipped. Suddenly, Bucky couldn’t control himself.

 

Okay. He could do this. What was different? It wasn’t like he was taking advantage of Bucky. That was ridiculous. But he watched Bucky’s head slam back into the tree and his gut twisted. Sure, he wanted to fuck Bucky senseless, but what was the point in that if Bucky was already senseless? But god, he’d offered. He couldn’t just take that back now.

 

Did Bucky even want this? He’d been resisting before. Steve’s head hurt. He tried to concentrate.

 

“Buck, I need you to tell me that you want this. For sure. And I know it’s hard with your head all jumbled up but -”

 

“-Steve-”

 

“-You have to really try and think. Are you gonna regret this? Would you still-” Swallow. “-With me? Even when you’re thinkin straight?”

 

For a moment, Bucky seemed to will his mind to clear. His eyes turned soft and his body stopped rolling and twisting. “Ah jeez, Steve. I would. I swear I’d let you do anything you wanted to me.” His breath hitched and his eyes glazed over. “Baby I could make you feel so good, too. Anything, Stevie.”

 

Steve felt...something at Bucky’s words. Like there was something swelling in his chest. Something that made his heart beat a little faster than it already was, and he cursed himself for being so damn cheesy. Bucky always had a way with words. Always able to twist them and look you in the eyes and make you really believe.

 

He pushed on. If Bucky didn’t want anything more than a quick fuck in the middle of the woods, then Steve would give it to him. Don’t think past that.

 

“Okay.”

 

And then another, more immediate problem surfaced up. Bucky was sitting with his back against the tree, legs parted, lips parted, eyes drooping with lust and anticipation, and Steve had no fucking clue where to put his hands. It had been a while. A while. Not counting the fuck in the castle while hiding for their lives.

 

Slowly, projecting his moves, he placed his hands on Bucky’s hips. He swung his leg over Bucky’s so that he was straddling him, keeping his in place. Bucky was already panting. _Anything you do, he’ll like. Why are you so fucking nervous?_

 

Maybe because they had a history. Because Steve was suddenly a much smaller, younger man who saw the way his best friend own every room he walked into and knew he didn’t deserve anything that Bucky gave him. Because he was watching him bring home a hundred lovely blondes every week when all Steve brought home was a new sketchbook when he was done with his current one. Because then Bucky joined the army and what the hell was left for Steve? And he was still a much younger, bigger version of himself hopping cities and curving now-interested women. And he was crying when he accepted what Bucky had meant to him and what that meant for Steve in the future.

 

And he was making it okay before Bucky showed up again, beautiful and sweaty and _needing Steve._

 

And then he was gone again. Forever, Steve knew. And wow, that didn’t feel great. It really didn’t feel…

 

And now he was sitting on top of James Barnes hard-on and e found himself wishing that maybe it would be nice if Bucky wanted to fuck him when he wasn’t in some sort of fucked up screw-or-die situation, or even just not have sex and instead just _talk_ , and how pathetic is that?

 

Steve narrowed his eyes. He was gonna do this. Because he wasn’t young anymore. And he didn’t need Bucky like he did before. And now it would be okay once Buck left again because Steve was always okay when they left. And sex had never been anything to Bucky, so why should it be to Steve?

 

“What’s going on up there? Game plan?”

 

“No. I’m fine.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Steve pressed his lips together and watched his hands slide up Buck’s torso, pushing up his shirt so that tan muscles were revealed. Steve’s throat worked as he failed to swallow. Here we go.

 

“Steve, wait.” Steve looked back up at Bucky’s eyes. They were way too lucid. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

 

“Buck, are you kidding me? You look like you’re gonna pass out any second.”

 

“Yeah, well so do you. What the hell is wrong with you?” Bucky’s hands ghosted up and down Steve’s thighs even as he was talking.

 

“Nothing,” Steve snapped. “Are you gonna keep stoppin me or what?”

 

Bucky said nothing but looked at him for a long second, and Steve knew that even after all these years, Bucky was still able to read him. Maybe it was the whole spy thing that kept him in practice. Maybe it wasn’t.

 

Finally, Bucky sighed. “Steve, buddy, you gotta get off me.”

 

Steve chewed his lip. “You don’t want it anymore?”

 

Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his hands gripping Steve’s hips but not pulling down. “God, I do. But maybe we better just try to wait this one out.”

 

“Bucky, I can help you.” The thought of Bucky suffering because he thought Steve might be uncomfortable was too much.

 

“I know, Steve. But-fuck,” and it was like a wave of it hit, tearing Bucky away from reality. He pressed up into Steve and then one hand was gripping the back of Steve’s neck. Bucky’s teeth were clenched as if he were in pain, but he let out a long, drawn-out moan. Steve braced himself with a hand on the tree next to Bucky’s head. “Fuck me, please, Steve. Please, I want it so bad. God, I bet you’re big. Come on baby, please.”

 

But then, what the fuck did he do now? Because Bucky had literally just told him to get off him. But it was because he thought Steve didn’t want him. And that was…

 

He said he wanted it though, and now he really wanted it. Steve pulled Bucky’s tunic over his head. Bucky’s jaw found his neck and his lips parted under Steve’s ear to work the skin. Steve had a particular weak spot for that, and Bucky had found it right away. Typical.

 

His hands skimmed over Bucky’s abbs. His thumb brushed over a nipple and Bucky shuddered with it.

 

And then the brunette pulled away from his jaw only to move towards Steve’s own lips.

 

Steve didn’t mean to pull away. He was just as surprised as Bucky when he jerked his head back, avoiding the kiss. Bucky tensed and he pulled away just as quickly. His eyes were shiny.

 

“Sorry,” muttered Steve after clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair.

 

“Fuck, Steve you need to-” and then he was being shoved off onto his ass. Bucky hopped up, light on his feet, and paced over several yards away. Steve just watched.

 

“Wait, Buck, ‘m sorry.”

 

“Steve, please. I need you to stop doing this.”

 

He frowned. He rubbed his hands on his pants. “I thought you wanted…”

 

Bucky groaned and covered his face with his hands and crumbled to the ground, laying in the shape of a star on his stomach, head turned toward Steve. “No, not that. You need to stop throwing yourself off cliffs just to make people happy. Just to try and save people. You-shit.” Bucky’s body curled into fetal position, away from Steve. He made no attempt to come closer.

 

He picked at a hangnail and was silently glad that Bucky wasn’t looking at him. That he wouldn’t see his eyes fog up. “I don’t,” he whispered to himself. Because he didn’t. If anything he was the most selfish person he knew. He was just trying to help this once, and he couldn’t even do that.

 

“Yes, do you,” Bucky gasped from the ground. Steve pulled at the hair in the back of his skull.

 

“Sorry.”

 

Bucky said something, but Steve wasn’t quite able to decipher what the sounds meant. He pulled at his hair again and tucked his knees against his chest. And fuck, he hated when this happened. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was cursing because _of all the fucking times? Really?_ But he didn’t say anything out loud. Couldn’t quite get the air to do so.

 

He scratched the back of his neck. Come back. Come back. Don’t go please god please

 

Hey come back to me easy Steve

 

Easy he’d always made it look so easy why wasn’t it ever easy fuck what was wrong with him

 

come on Stevie come back

 

….

 

….

 

Steve woke up to darkness. The moon was high in the sky and insects were loud in the woods. There was a small fire. Bucky was crouched over it, poking it with a stick. He looked...better. His eyes were clearer. Not as shiny. Looking at him.

 

“Hey there.”

 

“Sorry.” God his voice sounded like shit.

 

“No problem.” Bucky gave him a wolfish grin. “Like my fire?”

 

Steve smiled. “Yeah. It’s nice.”

 

Bucky nodded.

 

“You’re feeling better?”

 

“Yeah. I guess it was only potent enough for one day. It was like it just turned off. One moment, I’m...well, you know. It’s gone now so.” He frowned.

 

Steve stayed where he was.

 

“I didn’t mean to-” Bucky wasn’t looking at him anymore. He rubbed the stick harshly with his thumb. Steve watched in numb shock as Bucky unraveled. “I can’t even believe I asked you to-” His breath in shuttered.

 

“Don’t Buck. It’s alright.”

 

Bucky willed himself to get it together. “I followed you here because that night I left I remembered when we were still kids, and I left for the army.”

 

“Oh.” That was...

 

It was unbearably hot, and when Bucky told him that he’d enlisted a while ago, that he was leaving tomorrow, Steve lost it. He’d hated Bucky then. He cried those angry, hot tears and threw things at him and swore at him. It didn’t stop him from leaving, though. Steve didn’t go to see him out. Steve’s mother was in the ground. Bucky might as well have been in the ground as well.

 

“I’ll never forgive myself for not telling you sooner. I just...couldn’t. Even if I went back in time, knowing what I know now, I still don’t know if I would be able to. And then I decided that the best thing to do was rip that band-aid off quick. And that was…

 

Funny thing is, I still don’t know why I did it. I had everything back at home. I had you. I thought I needed to go out and make something of myself I guess. I got this idea in my head that I’d never be nothing. My pa...well. I had to prove myself to that son of a bitch, and that’s the biggest mistake I ever made. Leaving you.” Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to hold himself together. Steve’s own face had grown hot.

 

He knew about Bucky’s dad. Abusive, he was able to label now. Tough love, they called it back then. Asshole, Steve and Bucky called him.

 

“And then we met and it was like nothing ever happened. And I said those things.” Steve flushed at the memory. Everything that had happened was a bit of a blur. But he remembered Bucky saying something about watching him. Even when they were younger. Steve had thought his mind had made it up. But he hadn’t...which meant.

 

“I’m so sorry, Steve. I’m so sorry.”

 

“I love you.” Bucky looked at him, eyes wide and wet and shocked. Steve looked back. “I’ve always loved you, I think. I just didn’t know.”

 

“You...love me?”

 

Steve felt wetness on his cheeks. “It was hard when you left. And then you left again that night and I thought I’d lost you forever again.”

 

Bucky sobbed. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

 

"And then I was thinking that I loved you when I was gonna fuck you, and I couldn’t.” He hiccuped and wiped his eyes. It didn’t do much.

 

“I love you, Steve. I love you.”

 

“I love you.”

 

And it was.

 

 


End file.
